


Holds Her Breath All Day (Gasps for Air at Night)

by admirabletragedy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Drarry, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hogwarts Sixth Year, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sectumsempra (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:55:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24343132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/admirabletragedy/pseuds/admirabletragedy
Summary: A rewrite of the sectumsempra scene, in which they talk, and no one gets hurt.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 5
Kudos: 127





	Holds Her Breath All Day (Gasps for Air at Night)

**Author's Note:**

> [Title (and bolded text) from “Creve Coeur 1”, by Hobo Johnson]
> 
> \- I am not British, other than the Brit-English I picked up on from my South African parents, I speak, and therefore write, in American-English. If there are any mistakes, I apologize.
> 
> \- Within the story, the feelings that accompany a panic attack are described, it’s not graphic, but I still wanted to give a heads up to everyone.

The hallways seemed to echo with the screams of ghosts that he could not even claim as his own.

Tears fill his mouth with salt and he’s _drowning_.

Again and again.

He hears her screams, even as he dives into the boys' lavatory.

Draco grips the sink, as though strangling the porcelain will give him the answer as to why he’s the way he is.

The mirror must be broken, he thinks, because that can’t be him. Blond hair and grey eyes, and he’s becoming his father, isn’t he?

* * *

**She'll never talk about the ~~feelings~~ that she felt today better kept inside of a fence, inside of a cage, inside of a safe.**

* * *

The air is too thin, Draco thinks, as he’s left gasping for breath between shuddering sobs.

 _It can’t get worse_ , he tells himself, because that’s what his mother told him as she held him close and said ~~good~~ bye.

His mother.

His kind, patient, mother, who’s living every day in danger, because he can’t do anything _right_.

He wishes he could be half as strong as her but he supposes cowardice is just another thing he inherited from his father.

It gets worse, and the door is thrown open behind him. Raven hair and red robes.

Harry Potter, _spectacular_.

Draco doesn’t turn around, instead looking down and tracing the cracks in the sink with his eyes.

 _Distractions, distractions_ , his mother would say, _look for something to take your mind off what’s happening_.

“I know what you did”, Harry says, his words are cold as ice and Draco doesn’t need to turn around to know the boy is sneering.

One “Expelliarmus”, and Draco’s wand goes flying out of his shaky grip.

And Salazar, he’s suddenly back at the manor, where Voldemort stands at his side smiling.

 _I have a task for you Draco_ , the man had said.

One look towards his father and Draco knows he must do whatever this half- _man_ , half- _ghost_ , tells him, at the expense of his parents’ lives, should he fail. ~~_He’s failing._~~

A gasp and he’s back at Hogwarts, shaking and gasping for the air that he knows is all around him.

He opens his eyes, frantically looking for a way out but Harry stands in front of him, and it seems that in his panic, Draco had backed himself into a corner.

“What? What do you want”, Draco spits out, looking at the boy in front of him, who has dropped into a crouch.

* * *

**But I asked her, “what's wrong?” she just nods her head and then I asked her, ”what's wrong?” and she said...**

* * *

“Why are you doing this?”

That’s all it takes, and Draco begins to laugh, a startled noise that borders on a sob.

“What other choice do I have?” Harry frowns, brow furrowing, but Draco pushes on, “What else could I possibly do?”

His hands grip his hair and pull at it, _distractions, distractions_. And it’s working until Harry grabs his arms and lowers them from his head.

“Draco.”

That’s the Boy Who Lived’s answer to his woes; Draco drops his head to his drawn-up knees.

* * *

**Sometimes you drive a car and lose control into poles.**

* * *

“Let me help”, the dark-haired boy says, reaching out his hand and chasing away the darkness that has Draco for as long as he can remember.

There’s so much light around this boy, Draco thinks, and he doesn’t deserve a single ounce of it. So he says “I can’t”, because he knows he can’t. Can’t what? Fail? Succeed? He doesn’t know.

“You can.” Harry begins, and Draco looks up with a frown, ready to snap out an insult, but the boy filled with light plows on...

“You have no reason to trust me, I know you don’t, but I promise you, I can help, you don’t have to keep doing this.”

Draco shakes his head; Harry isn’t done yet, “You are not your father Draco. You don’t have to be him.”

“Potter-”

“No, I’m serious. Why do you always force yourself to make him proud? He doesn’t need to be proud of you Draco. He doesn’t.”

“You don’t understand,” the blond mutters; Harry doesn’t know why he _has_ to do this. He doesn’t know what’s at stake.

“So tell me, help me understand.”

Draco looks into the raven-haired boy’s eyes, looking for any hint of a lie. Yet there’s nothing deceitful in his gaze, and Draco never expected this.

* * *

**I don't think you should love me.**

* * *

Harry never let go of his arms, Draco realizes, and he focuses on that while he talks.

He talks, and Harry listens.

 _Trust_.

It doesn’t make sense, why Draco is talking, and why Harry is listening, but it happens.

At times, the dark-haired boy’s hands grip his arms a little tighter, other times looser, yet throughout all that Draco says- and he says _everything_ \- those emerald eyes, filled to the brim with light, never leave his stormy grey.

He knows how much danger he’s putting himself in by doing this, but the peace that Draco feels as he speaks welcomes him with open arms. Arms he falls into willingly.

At the description of his task, Draco shudders, shutting his eyes against tears, and breathes roughly, the air around him becoming less and less. But Harry waits for him to continue.

Draco knew better than anyone that the Boy Who Lived was far from patient, and for him to be willing to wait- to _listen_ \- to the kid who made his life hell.

He tells Harry everything between breaths, fumbling over parts he’d hardly even processed himself.

It’s only when he looks to see Harry’s reaction that Draco even notices he’s practically draped over Harry’s shoulder; what’s most surprising however, is that Harry doesn’t seem to mind, instead staring at the wall ahead of them, his eyes giving nothing away.

Suddenly, the dripping from the sinks beside them is too loud, and Draco’s too tired.

Not just tired; _drained_ and so, so vulnerable, with nothing but Harry’s steady breathing keeping him sane.

He hasn’t left yet. _That’s good, right?_

Harry shifts, and it takes everything he has for Draco to force himself to move his head so he can meet Harry’s eyes.

“It’s not your fault, you know.” Harry sighs, “Neither of us asked to end up here.”

“Maybe not, but I should’ve known I was wrong. I should’ve changed.”

“Isn’t that what you’re doing now?” Harry asks, and Draco answers before he loses hold of whatever courage he has left...

“I don’t want to to this. I don’t want to do any of this,” the words _I can’t_ catch in his throat and if he had any tears left he’s sure he’d be crying.

He’s pathetic, he knows this, but he can’t bring himself to care.

Next to him, Harry relaxes, softly sighing as Draco’s head hits his shoulder.

A small movement is all the warning Draco gets before he feels a hand slip into his own, fingers interlocking.

“I can help. You just need to let me help, Draco.”

Hearing his name breaks down any remaining reluctance Draco has left and he squeezes Harry’s hand, where he’s holding it tight in his own.

 _It’s enough_ , he thinks, _I’m okay_.

Draco sighs, his lips curving upwards, his head still on Harry’s shoulder.

_It’s enough._

* * *

**You could feel the love reverberate...**

* * *


End file.
